


The Scars we carry

by Ancalima



Series: Safe here [2]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Family time, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Uncomfortable subjects
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 14:03:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7621201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ancalima/pseuds/Ancalima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Digging deeper into the past was not something Ezra wanted. But the past is not something that can be ignored</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Scars we carry

**Author's Note:**

> Oh wow you won't believe the overwhelming amount of response I had to this fic. Because of all the reviews and everything I managed to crank out another part. This is a two chapter one and I am working on the second one as I write this. I'm so happy everyone loved this so much! Thank you all.

“You don't think we're just gonna let you walk out of here with it without one of you proving you are not Imperial agents do you?” The Toydarian drug peddler snorted, staring at them with his men holding onto their guns with smirks on their faces. “If you do, you're stupider then the usual Vizago sends.”

Kanan crossed his arms over his chest. “If you're suggesting we're testing one of those, you're more crazy then reputation suggests.” He said sternly, glaring a bit. Of all the jobs the Ghost crew accepted, this was one of the ones they hated the most, which would be why Vizago hadn't specified what would be in the crates they were being asked to fetch.

Death stick. 

Drugs.

If Kanan or Hera had known they would have refused the mission. Now that they were already there it was to late. They didn't do drug smuggles if they could help it.

“Ah well then we won't be making any deals today and you can explain to Vizago why the crates stay here.” 

“Oh for Force sake.” Ezra grumbled, moving around Zeb and grabbing one of luminescent sticks from a open crate. “Ezra don't!” Before the others could stop him Ezra had popped the lid and stuck half the tub down his mouth, letting the liquid glide past his tongue and down his throat as he tipped his head back. 

Pulling the empty stick out he glared at the drug peddler, throwing the empty in front of him. “There, happy?”

The Toydarian smirked. “Someone has experience. Fine, the crates go with you.” He nodded to his men who got of the crates so Zeb and Sabine could fetch the trolly with them. “Pleasure doing business with ya.” He laughed.

Kanan grabbed his padawan by the shoulders in the meantime. “Ezra! Go on the ship now. Medbay.” 

“I'm fine, it won't kick in for a few more minutes.” He tried to wave it of only for Kanan to give him a slight shake. “Ship, medbay, NOW.” The older man said in uncompromising tone.

“Geeze, fine.” Ezra huffed, wrapping his arms around himself while moving towards the Ghost ramp, grumbling a bit.

~~~~~~

“What do you mean he swallowed a whole death stick?” Hera asked sharply, letting Chopper take autopilot as she hurried out of the cockpit and towards the medbay, talking with Kanan over the coms.

“Just what I said. Peddler wasn't about to let us go without one of us doing it and Ezra...ah, that kid is gonna be the death of me.” Kanan growled angerly. He was more then tempted to throw the crates out the airlock and skewer Vizago with his lightsaber.

“Did he throw any of it up yet? First timers usually can't handle whole tubes.” Hera asked concernedly. That froze Kanan in his tracks, staring down the hall as Sabine almost crashed into his back. “Kanan?”

“...First timers don't know how to swallow a whole tube at once either without letting it touch the tongue Hera. Ezra knew how to swallow that thing. Its not his first time.” Kanan finally said, not seeing the Lasat behind him as Zeb's ears twitched at the revelation.

“Ezra's done this before?” Sabine asked, sounding for all her armor and battle prowess like the sixteen year old she was.

“Yes.” Kanan moved again, his long steps taking him to the medbay before anyone could say more, the door opening with a hiss.

Ezra gave a meeping noise and fell of the medbad he'd been sitting on landing on his rear as he blinked up at Kanan, his pupils dilated to a point where the blue of the teens eyes were hard to spot. “Uh...”

“Ezra.” Kanan gave a quiet curse and knelt down in front of him. “You have no idea how much I want to yell at you right now. But I don't think you'll remember it if I do.” The teens shoulders hunched a bit. 

“I'm 'orry?” He slurred, sounding so very young to everyone there. The jedi sighed then shifted until he could sit beside him, wrapping his arm around his padawan instead. “I'm not going to say its fine kid, Death sticks are dangerous, it shortens your life span, it takes chunks out of it and your life is worth so much more then that.” 

“Done it before. Hadda eat somehow. Blankies aren't cheap.” Ezra slurred, the drugs lowering his defenses as he snuggled against Kanan's side. “Drug testies paid well...” He closed his eyes.

“...” Kanan looked to the medbay doors where the rest of the crew was. “One of you get me a blanket...and some water.” Kanan finally settled, Sabine nodding and quickly leaving. Hera stepped in and sat on the other side of Ezra, the human opening his eyes to look at her in surprise, making a little questioning noise before closing them as she started petting his hair instead.

He leaned into the touch almost greedily, all defenses lowered as Kanan carefully wrapped the blanket around him and settled with his arm around the youth, Hera gently running her fingers through his dark hair. 

In those hazy moments, Ezra could almost believe that the last eight years had been a hallucination, that his parents had never been taken from him, that they weren't gone and he was right there, between them.

“He's so spacy I don't think he realizes where he even is.” A growly voice said over his head.

“You might be right.” A voice to his left sighed out. “Zeb, can you help me get him out of his coveralls in a bit? Once we coaxed some water into him that is when Sabine returns.”

“Yeah sure. Why though?”

“Change him into something more comfortable so he can sleep as long as he needs.”

Something tugged in Ezra's consciousness, telling him that he didn't want them to undress him but for the life of him he couldn't quite grasp why. Why was that important right now?

“Ezra?” A careful hand shook him and he blinked hazy blue eyes open, staring at a glass of water behind held in front of him by a gloved hand. The hand in his hair stopped stroking and Ezra let a small whine escape his throat.

He was thirsty actually. He shakily took the glass, making a discontented noise as a pair of tanned hands covered his, helping him hold it. Ezra tried dragging his hands out of them, he was fully able to drink from a glass of water.

“Kid, look, just drink and accept the help.” 

Ezra huffed but listened to the voice, slowly drinking the entire contents of the glass before it was taken away by the same hands as before. Beeping made Ezra blink towards the door, looking at the hazy colored shapes he vaguely recognized.

“No Chopper, I don't think zapping him will help at ALL. Don't do it.” A stern female voice said to his right and Ezra looked towards it, blinking. “...Hera?” The female Twi'lek focused on him and gave a soft smile if also worried. “Try to sleep Ezra.” 

Blinking, he flopped his head on her shoulder, feeling a broad hand slowly rub his back and shoulders in a pattern, a smaller hand going stroking his hair. It sent Ezra into the arms of sleep in a way he hadn't for years.

~~~~~

“I think he's all out for now. Alright Zeb, give me a hand here.” Kanan sighed, shifting a bit to pull the blanket of Ezra's light form, regretting it a bit as the teen shivered. Sabine left for her own room so not to invade Ezra's privacy to much, Hera would be doing that too once Zeb was supporting the teen instead of her. She went to fetch spare comfortable clothes for Ezra instead. She was sure Kanan wouldn't mind loaning his padawan a t-shirt and she was sure Ezra had some comfortable soft pants.

Once Zeb had him Kanan shifted to the front, getting the vest Ezra wore of first then he unzipped the coverall and carefully working one arm out first.

Even half undressed Kanan could see the scars. A life on the street was never easy but he hadn't expected this. Some of these he recognized as someone living on the street getting but others he could tell were of a different sort, one of them were caused by a viroblade he was sure or another smooth sharp blade, a star burst scar on his upper shoulder was a blaster wound, some were small and round in one clustered spot by Ezra's ribcage and Kanan hoped he was wrong in thinking they were caused by a cigaret. 

There was a perfectly diagonal scar that was to neat to have been made by anything but a scalpel near Ezra's navel. Small syringe scars littered up and down Ezra's arm. Some were perfectly pale and old. Others were pink and made in the year they had meet the young man. And some had a awful purple view to it that told of old infection or being wrongly treated. 

“...Karabast.” Zeb growled as Kanan got Ezra's other arm out, leaving the teen shirtless.

“Not now Zeb.”

“Mate you can't-”

“I can for now. Right now Ezra isn't awake to answer and I get the feeling if he knew we were undressing him, he'd be putting up a fight.” The Jedi said seriously, letting the coverall pool around the teens slender waist as he wrapped the blanket around him again while they waited for the spare clothes.

“But he's covered in scars.”

“I know. We will talk to him about them. But not now, not while he's doped up on death stick.” Kanan gave Zeb a long look. The Lasat ears twitched hard before he grumbled and nodded. “Yer right, yer right...Karabast.”

He wrapped his large furry arm around Ezra blanket covered form, holding protectively around him. For all the annoyance Ezra caused, Zeb couldn't imagine the Ghost without the young padawan running around.

Kanan let out a deep sigh and got up when there was a soft knock, getting spare clothes from Hera and not minding that one of those were his t-shirt. “You okay?” Hera stared at Kanan, the jedi glancing back at Ezra and shaking his head.

“Not really. He's covered in scars. Didn't think he'd be this covered in scars.”

Hera looked between the two grim looking men and bit her lips. “...Look after him, we can talk about this with him later.” She stepped away so they could dress him in peace.

The human returned to the teen and knelt down, removing the blanket to slide the soft worn t-shirt onto him, smiling a bit at how small Ezra looked in his t-shirt. 

“...I forget how young he is sometimes.”

Kanan looked at Zeb at that, the others green eyes focused on Ezra. “He's barely fourteen. He should be in school really not...here.” He grumbled.

“But he is. He is here. If you want to blame anyone...”

“Blame the empire.” Zeb finished for the Jedi, grumbling and nodding.

Kanan nodded and got the rest of the coverall of Ezra, finding more scars along Ezra's feet, legs and thighs before he was covered up by the pants. “Carry him to your room? You best put him on the bottom bunk in case he falls out of the bed.” Kanan sighed.

Zeb didn't complain about that as he slowly stood with the teen in his arms, nodding. “Course. Rather not end up with the kid more bruised then he usually gets.” 

“You mean like he must get every mission?” Kanan offered dryly, following as Zeb started climbing the ladder to get to their cabin. “Like all of us get, I swear if I get caught in one of Sabine's blast waves again, I'm gonna...” The Lasat let that trail of.

Kanan snorted softly, smiling ever so softly before glancing at Ezra's slack face. '...No, if we can help it, lets not have him more bruised.'


	2. The scars we carry (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you all for the overwhelming reviews to Safe here. This is the last part of the fic I have managed to crank out and I don't think I will be making more though I'm not ruling it out that I will once I have watched one or two more episodes of Star Wars Rebel. As of now I have only watched two. Oh, ps, I KNOW Ezra is canocally 15 as of Empire day but can you blame me for shaving of just a year to get him safe? Heh until next time people.

His mouth felt it had been filled with sand, but not as bad as it usually felt after he had been testing death sticks. That much Ezra knew.

For a moment he was confused. He was laying comfortably, he had a blanket over him, someone had obviously managed to get a bit of water into him and he was laying somewhere safe. This wasn't the usual state a drug tester found themselves in.

And then it came back. He hadn't been testing drugs for anyone. The drug peddler, Ghost crew, Kanan yelling at him and...and soft hands in his hair, blanket around his shoulders, water being given him.

The padawan sat up slowly, feeling muddled, the force around him fluctuating and pulsing as he came more to himself, the blanket sliding down of him as he looked around.

He was in his and Zeb's cabin, on the bottom bunk of all things. Then he grew alarmed, his clothes had been changed. Ezra grasped the blanket tightly around himself, looking around in horror as he did. Where was his clothes, had Kanan changed him? Had anyone seen?

Slowly, on unsteady feet Ezra got up, looking around before sliding his feet into his boots and making his way to the door, intent on finding his clothes and covering up before...before...

He shivered and looked around, biting his lips before making his way to the crew lounge, the Force directing him towards where he could feel Kanan. The bond between teacher and padawan weren't to deep yet, but he could tell where Kanan was on the ship at least.

He hadn't expected to find the whole Ghost crew minus Hera there. Chopping beeped something when Ezra came over and the teen held the blanket more tightly around himself, slapping on a half smile. “So, that was a interesting mission. Someone care to fill me in on where my clothes are?” He tried nonchalantly despite the steel grip he had on the blanket to keep it around himself.

“In the wash. They really needed it.” Sabine offered, eyes on Ezra.

It caused the teens shoulders to tense before he looked at Kanan, struggling to retain his expression. “Oh well I'd like them bac-”

“Ezra, sit down.” Kanan said quietly, gesturing the seat between himself Zeb.

'They know. They know.' Ezra tensed fully, standing a bit straighter. “I, uh, I think I just want to get some water and return to my bu-”

“Kid, you aren't leaving until we talk.” Zeb stared at him. Not pityingly, not angerly, but with a odd worried but compassionate look in his eyes.

Where could a teenager run on a ship like the Ghost. Well out the airlock but Ezra hadn't spent this long surviving only to space himself. So he did the only other thing he could think of. Get angry.

“And if I don't want to?” He snapped, holding the blanket as if it could protect him.

And then a callused arm wrapped around his fabric covered elbow, the person sending soothing waves through the Force as blue and green eyes meet. “Ezra...sit.” Kanan murmured, carefully guiding the teen down beside him. “You're thirsty right? Sabine, get some juice from the galley since you're closest.”

The Mandelorian got up without a complaint and fetched a jug of it. Ezra really did look parched and the vitamins would do him some good, she was sure of that. She knew when you were hungover, vitamins and fluids were the best cure and she was sure the same was true after ingesting a whole death stick.

“Chopper, would you inform Hera that Ezra is awake?” The Jedi asked, receiving a few rude beeps before the astromech started rolling away.

“...Is this really necessary?” Ezra finally asked after a few seconds, staring at the pitcher of juice and the glass, itching to grab it and fill it but unwilling to leave the blanket of for even a few moments. Kanan, taking pity on his padawan, reached out and filled the glass, bringing it over to Ezra.

“Yes, now here, drink.” He held the glass out to him, letting Ezra take it from him without more then a hand leaving the comfort of the blanket.

The teen drank slowly, focused on that task while the keeping his blanket shield tight so it wouldn't slip of him. It was quiet until they felt a slight jerk, signaling that Hera had landed them somewhere and soon she and Chopper were coming to see them.

Hera sat down on the other side of Ezra, smiling slightly at him before reaching out and touching his face, examining it and ignoring how tense Ezra was at the light touch. “Good, your pupils aren't dilated anymore and your coherent.” She pulled her hand back.

“I'm fine...” Ezra muttered, drinking more from his juice.

“You see, you say that but...I don't think you've been fine in a long time Ezra.”

Ezra didn't answer, drinking more juice.

“Kid...Ezra.” Zeb sighed, leaning forward, peering at the youngest crew member. “After the fall of Lasat, after joining the Ghost...don't you think Hera and Kanan made me talk?” He prodded gently, smiling grimly when Ezra gave him a quick look.

“Hera wouldn't let me get away with hiding for long.” Kanan offered up beside him. “She made me talk about...well the whole of the Jedi order being eradicated. Living my life in hiding.”

Sabine smiled at him when Ezra glanced at her. “I got left for dead, my friend betrayed me and my family splintered because of the Empire. Yes they had me talking to. I told you that first day, we're a family. And we want to be your family too. That means this too.”

“...I don't think Chopper wants to be family, I think he wants to zap us all.” Ezra offered.

“Chopper!” Hera shouted over the rudeness the astromec was spewing, Zeb sniggering. “Kid's not wrong Hera, that mec likes zapping us to much.”

Kanan snorted and slowly wound a arm around Ezra's shoulders so not to startle him.

“Getting back on track.” He said louder, silencing them. “What we mean Ezra is...talking about the past is good for you. To help. To get help when its needed.”

Ezra looked away, studying the glass. “...I don't need it. I'm not weak. I'm not helpless.” He got out.

“We're not saying you are kid.” Zeb leaned forward and placed a strong furry hand on each of the padawan's knees, making him look up. “If you were weak Ezra, you wouldn't be here.” Serious green eyes peered into sapphire blue, never looking away before Zeb slowly leaned back. “Sometimes you need a shoulder to lean on, I certainly needed my fair share.”

“Yeah, the flea beast has.” Sabine punched the man playfully in the shoulder. “...But then again so have I. We all have Ezra.” She looked to him, smiling earnestly.

Ezra swallowed, squeezing the glass before he slowly shifted the blanket and Kanan's arm of him, reaching for the pitcher and refilling it with juice. Hera barely kept her gasp in as she got a look at the teen bare arms.

He sat back slowly and glanced at them. “...Alright...but I get to go back to my bunk if I want to.” Ezra finally settled on, sliding his arm protectively around his own stomach while holding his glass tightly with the other.

Kanan nodded before gesturing to Ezra's arms. “Death sticks not the only one you've tested is it?” He started of gently, watching Ezra closely as he shook his head. “No...it paid well and...I didn't always have the strength to steal...so I traded I guess, I checked the merchandises and they knew it was proper stock you know.”

“Didn't it bother you that it could go wrong?” Sabine stared at him.

“...Course it did. Did a few times. One time Stormtroopers interrupted the trade, I wasn't quick enough to hide.” Ezra shifted, rubbing the star burst scar on his shoulder Kanan had seen. “I got shot by... I don't know, could have been any of the sides really. I managed to crawl into a vent though after a while and stayed there.”

“Ezra...” Kanan prodded gently.

“...Okay I passed out in it.” Ezra grumbled a bit. “I was high and hurting at the same time.”

“How old?”

“Nine I guess.” Ezra shrugged and then drank more juice.

“Did you do drug testing often?” Zeb covered the silence quickly and almost sighed in relief when Ezra shook his head. “No. Just when I needed money for things I couldn't steal or I was to weak to steal.”

“Things you couldn't steal?”

“Goods to heavy to steal, medicine, services that I couldn't do myself, things that were kept locked up you know.” Ezra shifted a bit.

“...You had to do drug testings to get medicine?” Hera couldn't keep the pain out of her voice as she hugged the teenager tightly to him.

Ezra tensed and squirmed. “I...I got sick sometimes.” He muttered.

“Oh Ezra.” She held him tight.

Kanan took a deep calming breath through his nose, calling up on his training to remain calm and not scare Ezra though from the way Ezra was glancing at him under the mop of dark hair, he could feel his teacher through the Force.

“The scar on your abdomen Ezra, you had one that was...very clean.” He managed to settle on, watching the way the arm tightened around his stomach.

“I...” Ezra started haltingly. They were going to know eventually. “...I sold a kidney?” He managed weakly, flinching as Hera tensed with her arms around him, the Twi'lek staring at him with shock before looking at Kanan.

“You... You sold a kidney?” Sabine repeated, eyes wide.

Ezra shrugged awkwardly, yelping in surprise as Zeb slammed his fist into the table, huddling back into the firm seat behind him. “Tell me who bought it and I'll go hunt down the sonofa-”

“Zeb.” Kanan said and for a moment Ezra thought he had a voice of reason only to twitch at the raw anger on Kanan's face, the man wasn't far of letting Zeb do that. “Ezra...when and why?” He asked instead.

Ezra really didn't want to answer that but it was obvious even if he called a out he wouldn't get it right now. “...The Tower got...freezing. None of the heating worked and I was running low. None of the traders that...that accepted favors were around and the locals...never...I mean...” He licked his lips nervously.

“...I went to one of the gangs. Seeing if they had a job or something. They didn't but...I...”

“They had need of a kidney and your blood type matched...” Sabine finished for him.

He gave a short nod. “They offered me a lot of credits for it. Told them...told them they paid me first, let me stash it, buy the repair service the tower needed and then I'd give it to them.” He gave a half smile, trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work.

“And then?” Hera asked quietly.

“...They had a droid. It knew what to do. They gave me some drugs and let the droid do the job. It...it went fine. I was just sore for a few days after...I mean...”

“Days or weeks?” Kanan slid his arm around Ezra's lower back, holding his padwan along with Hera.

“...Months really.” Ezra confessed. “But...but I got the Tower patched and the heat returned. And I had enough to survive the winter months.” Not that he had been able to leave the Tower for a full month, surviving on what he had bought before the surgery.

He spent that first day just laying in his tower, crying every time he moved as much as a inch, his breathing thick and shallow, tears streaming down his face and wishing desperately that his parents, that anyone had been there for him.

Kanan arm tightened around him as did Hera's and Ezra noticed both Zeb and Sabine moving closer, their presence comforting.

“...When did you sell it Ezra?” Kanan asked again, his voice quieter. “...Year before I meet all of you.”

“Ezra...” The Jedi held him tighter, burying his face in the others dark hair. If they had come just a year earlier. Just a year before. Would that really have hampered them to much if they had meet Ezra just a year earlier?

“...I'm fine really...bit hungry though.” Ezra whispered, almost making a noise when Hera stood.

“Well lets get some food into you...and then a trip into the medbay to check your blood levels...and I think lower your protein intake just in case for now...” Hera moved to the galley, leaving Ezra blinking after her. “I'll go fetch a sweater, you're gonna catch a cold like that Ezra.” Sabine stood, hurrying to the cabins.

Zeb grunted and got up too. “I'll help Hera, we all need food I think.”

Chopper beeped something rudely but instead of zapping Ezra he bumped lightly into his leg and then rolled to check on some of the ship equipment.

The teen blinked slowly and looked up at Kanan, finding the other already staring at him with a intense look in his eyes.

“...We are so proud of you. For becoming who you are. For living. For surviving.” He murmured quietly. “We are so happy you're here, with us Ezra. You are stronger then even I thought possible. And right now, you shine like a bright star to us.” He smiled slightly.

Ezra stared at the older man, confused, scared and feeling so warm deep inside as Kanan reached out with the Force, gently sending waves of love and comfort through the still forming bond the two had.

He settled his forehead against Ezra's “For all that you survived, you're still here and still bright and you have no idea how proud that makes us.” He repeated quietly, feeling a tentative response from Ezra reaching out with his own Force.

“...Kanan...thank you.”

The Jedi smiled and closed his eyes, sitting there quietly with his forehead against Ezra's, both tentatively exploring the bond that tied them, Jedi and padawan, together.


End file.
